Friday, May 29, 2009

Last, but not Least


This is our first child in school and we didn't know how it was going to go. We've all heard those horror stories where the teacher is terrible and the kids hate their studies. I'm pleased to say we have none of those stories to tell, nor do any of the other neighborhood parents. My daughter had Back-to-School night last night and I have to say she's had a great school year. She learned SO much and has come so far in the last nine months. And, she's definitely my kid. She LOVES to read and I can't think of anything better than that.

I look into her little face and she is so proud of the work she's done and so excited about all the new work she'll get to do. I miss that. I like to think it was our phenomenal parenting that has made this school year possible, but it's so much more than that. It was her WONDERFUL teacher. Good teachers do not get enough recognition for how they shape the lives of these little people. So, here's a big THANK YOU to the truly outstanding teachers out there.

Have a great weekend everyone!


What a Day!


What a fiasco this day has been - and it's not even over yet! Today was supposed to be an easy going, laid back day to tie up the week's loose ends. I've had anything but...

Apparently I had a meeting today that didn't make it on my calendar (which is probably my fault), but the worst part of it was that it was right at the time I need to pump. So, when everyone showed up in my conference room waiting for me, I had just begun pumping. Thankfully my assistant - who is a life saver discreetly called me to let me know everyone had arrived. My office is right next the conference room, so I'm pretty sure someone heard me yell "Sh*t, Sh*t, Sh*t." I only finished pumping one side then ran lopsided to the conference room hoping the other one didn't spring a leak. The shred of pride I have left is hanging on to the hope that no one heard my expletives because it was drowned out by the very distinct sound a pump motor makes - that hopefully only mom's know. Ugh...so humiliating.

To add to this day, I just received a call from the Nanny. My baby girl just pulled herself up to her feet for the very first time and I missed it. This blows. I don't even know how to say it nicer than that. Thank God it's Friday...Let the clock watching begin...


Thursday, May 28, 2009

Who Would've Thought?



For the first time in my life I really do not aspire to be more in my career. In some ways this is a little ego bruising, but in a lot of other ways it is a relief. Now, this doesn't mean that I'm one of those people who do "just enough" to stay below the radar. I take a great deal of pride in a job well done and nothing irritates me more than laziness. But, the alleviation of pressure to do more, faster and better than everyone else has been nice.

If you would have told me 10 years ago that all I wanted to do was be a mom and wife, I would've bet my life on it that you were crazy. I spent most of my twenties working at an insane pace to pillage and plunder the career world. Work was everything - and as crazy as it sounds, the industry I'm in wasn't one I had even wanted to be in. I was so wrapped up in the climbing of the corporate power (money) ladder, that all I focused on was the prize and lost sight of what makes me happy.

Being a SAHM for two years has really helped me see life on both sides of the fence. I made the huge mistake of allowing my job to define who I am and on occasion still allow my job to validate my worth. I also assumed staying home was easier-uh, WRONG. Maybe the prize at the end of all this is just plain knowledge. There is something to be said about just knowing yourself. I used to be that lady who thought kids were an inconvenient side-note to life's expectations (a sign of my naivete). Now I'm the lady who is empathizing with, not cursing at, the mom with the screaming kids on a plane. Who would've thought...

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

A Snapshot of my Life:


This week so far has been a little off with the observation of Memorial Day this past Monday . I saw this funny little comic and thought it was perfect for today. Enjoy!


Tuesday, May 26, 2009

My Cloud Nine...


I don't typically post anything new on weekends or holidays because when I'm home, I try to really be home with my family. If readers demanded it, maybe I'd shoot for a midnight post, but we're not quite there yet :-).

I had the best weekend I've had with my kids in a long time. I didn't accomplish anything I was "supposed" to like laundry, cleaning out kids closets - cleaning out my own closet, but I did accomplish what was most important: having fun with my family. I don't think I'm a bad mom, but I definitely have days where I feel like I've been a really good mom. This last holiday weekend was just that. I felt like my kids got the best of me and I got the best of them. It makes coming back to work dealable for the day.

I have great kids. They somehow always know how important it is for me to be present during (what I consider) the most important moments of their lives. My oldest daughter lost her front tooth, which was an episode of screaming delight and joy, my youngest daughter cut her second tooth which she was more than happy to demonstrate while gnawing on my finger and my son, well, he just loved me.

I love my girls, but there is something special about a mother's bond with her son. He and I play this game, the "What Do I Need Game," which consists of me asking "What do I need, gee, I just don't know..." and him coming from anywhere in the house to give me a hug. He's so impressed that this hug of his is what I ALWAYS need. When I ask him "How did you know I needed this?" he always responds with the biggest smile, "Mommy, I just know." He is my toughest to discipline, but my sweetest to love.

I'm back to playing the Lotto this week. It's funny how before all I wanted to win was enough to live in a great big mansion with a maid. Now, I just want enough to pay off my modest house and be our family maid. Perspective is everything.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Battle of the Spanx


There was a time in my life that I thought I'd never wear Spanx. My first intro to the elastic dream suit came a few years back after my second child. I had lost a significant amount of baby weight, but I still had a funny "back-fat" outline in something I was wearing. I'm sure I ranted for a good twenty minutes before my husband and I left the house.

My husband catalogued this episode of mine and thought of it when he heard a few women in his office complaining about the same thing. He thought he had struck gold when he heard how they handled the problem. A few weeks later he very proudly presented the answer to all (he thought) I prayed for: SPANX. I was still in my twenties then and the thought of wearing a girdle was unimaginable. I was REALLY pissed off and was sure he was trying to tell me I was fat. I took them back to the store and spent the credit on shoes. In hindsight, I was kind of a bitch. I probably should've just said "thanks" and appreciated that he tried.

Fast forward to now....After this last baby, the time was just not there to exercise like I had done previously and my goal to fit into my pre-baby clothes by now just didn't happen. So what did I do? I choked down my pride, headed to Nordstrom and bought the pair of the GD Spanx I had fought so long and hard against. As I lay on the floor this morning trying to shove my lumpy, stretched out body into them, all I could hope for was that my husband didn't wake up and see me. The fight to get those suckers on was ugly and I didn't need his judgement. In the end I won the battle, but I look even more forward to the day the battle ends.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Perrier, Please


My little sister is visiting from her fancy-storied New York life for a few days and we thought it would be fun to do Happy Hour in SF. Well, we wrangled my other little sister, who's local, and typed it into our datebooks. It was official: I was actually going to attend a Happy Hour for the first time in I don't know how long. I'd be lying if I didn't say I was a little excited.

The excitement quickly tuckered out once our date actually rolled around. I was exhausted and I missed my kids who didn't get enough of me on the weekend. Thank goodness both my sisters are such good fun or I would've bailed without even thinking twice.

The fun sister in me really wanted to go out and drink it up like I was 21 to prove to my sisters that "I still had it." My husband gave me the thumbs-up on hanging out until whenever, but all I could think about was the breast-milk I'd have to pump and dump to ensure my baby didn't get wasted alongside me. And, let's not even talk about the next morning-which would've only been a Tuesday! I'd hate to say I'm too old to hang-out, but I'm definitely old enough to know better. I can barely make it through my week sober.

In the end, it was too much effort for me to mentally and ethically struggle with. The bartender asked me for my order and all I could manage to say was "Perrier, please." At least it had a sparkle to it.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

For the Record


For the record, mom's who choose to work or have no problem going to work are not bad moms. Being a stay-at-home mom is what I would love, but it doesn't mean all moms should feel this way. I have a friend who sincerely believes that she's a better mom for working and you know what, she probably is. If you are happy, your kids will pick up on this and will know and remember you as their happy mom. If you are miserable, regardless of going to work or staying home, you're kids will remember this. This is not to say you're kids shouldn't see you struggle. If they can't see you overcome your hardship how will they figure out how to overcome their own someday?

I sometimes wonder if I'm a better mom for working because now every moment with my kids count. But, then I think that's just crazy talk ;-). I do remember that there were days when I was home with my kids that I'd think, "Dear God, please let today end." I never feel that way anymore. Now, I'll take whatever I can get - it's seriously desperate. Being at home is a luxury for me - even if the house isn't clean. Having to work isn't the worst thing that could happen to me or my kids. I do need to remember that it's also not an excuse to be an ineffective parent. Time is time. This life is what I have. I've got to find a way to make it work until it just works.

Monday, May 18, 2009

And the Work Week Begins...



Mondays are always really hard for me, especially during warm weather when all I can think about are the fun things I could be doing RIGHT now with my kids. It might sound silly, but gardening followed by a good drenching of water was always fun. A good kid friendly museum was always a crowd pleaser too, but could get pricey. I think I loved taking them on excursions as much as they loved going. I miss them already today.

This last weekend was a scorcher and a pretty jam packed few days. We conquered T-ball, a wedding, hosted a dinner and performed some much needed carpet cleaning. I was really excited we got so much done, but then I realized at what expense. My poor baby girl, who is seriously the BEST baby ever, got hardly any of my time. The other two kids are lively and let me know if and when they want something. My little peanut just hangs out and gets what she gets because she doesn't cause a fuss.

This week (and hopefully every day thereafter) I'm going to make it a point to spend more time with my kids. Being with them is more important and essential than a clean house or an organized pantry. I can't spend as much time with my kids as I'd like, so I need to spend the time I can with them now. Like I've been told by moms everywhere, "One day you'll wake up and they will have grown up." Go love your kids!

Friday, May 15, 2009

Someday....

HAPPY FREAKIN' FRIDAY!

The Great Schedule


With work and kids comes a schedule - or the lack there of on occassion. I'm pretty flexible when it comes to scheduling our lives (my husband may think differently) but without a basic schedule something inevitably gets missed or forgotten. Yea, I've been that mom who RSVP'd to a kid's birthday then just forgot all about it. Who needs this embarrassment on top of all the other daily things that routinely humiliate us (like forgetting the parts to your breast pump in the office sink because you were just gonna grab that call REALLY fast). Forgetting a party only happened once, but it taught me a valuable lesson in making sure my bases are covered. I am a huge advocate of accomplishing this as efficiently as possible.

Another mom introduced me to a really cool website, http://jooners.com/ to quickly coordinate schedules. It can help with things like volunteering, classroom parties, carpools or whatever else you may need. I was sad I didn't think this up! It's quick, it's easy and it was really effective. I love it so much I'm adding it to my "Mom's Guilty Pleasures." Hopefully it helps someone else in their plight to balance life.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

What Is My Problem!?


Pretty soon you can't use the excuse of "I just had a baby" to explain the extra squish all over your body. My baby is now 6 months old and the scale stopped moving down in numbers three months ago. My daughter has made several comments about my changed physique for example: "Daddy is skinny and Mommy is fat " or "Why are you bigger than the other mommies in my class?" and my favorite, "You're fat because you don't excercise. I saw that on TV." I'm not hurt by these comments because she isn't saying it to be mean, but I'm tired of this being the way she sees me. We are VERY careful at my house the way we describe or talk about peoples sizes, but you cannot shield your kids from what they hear at school or other public places. The only thing you can do is guide them and hope to correct some of the idiot comments people say in the presence of children.

I am your typical "comfort" eater. I've struggled with my weight for what seems to be my entire life. I think I went on my first diet when I was 11 - yeah, sick. My mom is a career dieter to this day and both my sisters are tall and super thin (and are "closet" food-phobes). I've always made the joke that I got the short end of the gene pool in our family since I'm short and stout (just like a little teapot). Before I had this baby I'd say I was of a normal size (8-10) even though some may debate what the term "normal" really is. Normal for me is feeling healthy and capable. I felt that way before I got pregnant this last time. I ran the NY Marathon in 2007 for crying out loud! I of course love my little "Newbie" and wouldn't change our decision to have her. I just should've reconsidered my food and excercise choices...I was just so tired.

So now what? Should I waste my life whining that I'm fat? Should I go to therapy? Or, should I just like myself enough to take care of me? I've never thought of myself as someon with low self-esteem but why else would I neglect myself like I have. Do I subconciously think I'm not worth it? At this point in my life it's definately not about being lazy - the permanent bags under my eyes are proof that I'm not over-resting. I've gone so far as to look into joining Food Addicts Anonymous as a way to stop turning to food. I feel compelled by a force greater than my will to eat everything not nailed down. I feel like I'm at a stand still. I know what I have to do, I just don't know how to get there.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Yikes!


My son who is now 3 years old has a lot of food and other allergies. Today my little guy was walking my daughter to school (with the Nanny) and both of his eyes swelled closed. Thankfully my husband was able to get him to the doctor who confirmed it was an allergic reaction to "something" --probably a neighborhood cat or dog. He had to endure eye washes, eye drops and a dose of Zyrtec, but luckily no epi-pen was needed. I hear he was a model patient. I don't know many 3 year olds who would sit patiently while nurses hold all your limbs and head. I'm so proud of him.

For 20 minutes my stomach was in knots and I was paralyzed with fear. When he was a toddler he licked a bit of peanut butter which caused his lips and mouth to swell and his little body to go limp. It was one of the scariest things I've seen yet. I know my husband was with him today, but it's just not the same when you want to hold your child to comfort them as much as yourself. Being 1+ hour away means sitting and waiting to hear what's going on instead of helping.

I've been back to work now for almost two years. I'm giving myself two more years before I just can't do this anymore. My current job isn't terrible, but not being close to my kids is. I know I miss a lot. Staying home for 2 years showed me just how much. I can't wait till the clock hits 5:00pm today and I go racing out of here. An upside down, crazy house never looked so good!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Mommy & Me


My daughter had a "Mommy & Me" presentation this morning at school in honor of Mother's Day. I have to say it was something I wouldn't trade for anything. Her crooked braids and cheesy toothless grin mixed with confident singing and beaming pride go down as one of the best moments (so far) of my life. There will come a day when she doesn't look at me with an adoration that craves my approval and I will not look at her as a sweet child. We'll both grow up and things will inevitably be different. Sure, I'll always love her but I think it will be a different kind of love. Whatever kind of crappy work week I had is now gone. I love that little girl and she loves me. What more is there to say...

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

The Happiest Place On Earth


I love Disneyland. We just got back from a trip with JUST our little family and it was such a good time. When your kids are small, everything is the greatest thing they've ever seen. I remember feeling that same way when I went there as a kid. My husband can do without the Peter Pan and Dumbo rides, but I wouldn't pass them up for anything. Sure the rides are not that much fun and the technology is dated, but that's not what these rides are about. It's the pure joy a child sees when his stories come to life. It reminds us how "bigger" isn't necessarily better.

We make the kids save their money so they can go. It teaches them responsibility and helps with the ever growing cost of the Magic Kingdom. I really needed this trip. I mean REALLY needed a little time away. I've been getting spanked at work and this trip gave me a chance to recharge with my kids and remember what pure joy looks like. Here's to saving up for another trip there!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Bad Mom Moment


You know you haven't spent enough time at home when your neighbor (who I love) tells you how good your daughter is at tying her shoes. Here's the bad mom moment: I didn't know she could tie her shoes...maybe I'll see this "first" with the next kid :-(