Monday, June 1, 2009

The Greener Grass...

Happy Monday-I mean it should be right? I have a healthy family, a mostly clean house and a job. What more could there be? This is the question I keep asking myself over and over and over. Why can't I be satisfied with this?

In the last few months, I've seen numerous people walking out of office buildings with the token "desk box" we've all seen. I can only imagine what those losing their jobs must be going through. I'm sure it's terrible and I am REALLY thankful I've still got a job since I'm able to support my family. I know I'm one of the lucky ones. But, there is absolutely no fulfilment, muchless satisfaction, in the job I do. I used to wonder why people looked so forward to retirement. I used to believe you just live your best life now and not wait until you were 55 years old (maybe 65 in my case). What happened?

I was acutally in the shower on Saturday and I had a moment of "YES, thank goodness it's summer break soon" only to realize that this is not applicable to me (I sat in the shower another 5 minutes coming to grips with this obvious realization). What do I need to do to wrap my head around the fact that THIS is my life and I HAVE to go to work everyday. I keep looking forward to something - anything that will save me.

I love where we live, but it's just so expensive to stay afloat. What do I do? Should I uproot my family and move to a more affordable state where I can be a SAHM? Would our quality of life be better? I don't know what the right answer is here. I'm terrified I'm going to wake up one day and my life will have completely passed me by. I want to be able to live for today, but as weird as it sounds, I don't know if I really know how to do this. Is the grass really greener on the other side?