Monday, June 8, 2009

More

I know this is going to sound weird, but some of my favorite times with my kids are from conversations while we're driving. Ideally, we'd be out laying in the warm sun talking, but that just doesn't happen easily with all the ages and stages we have at the house. Someone is always running, jumping or scooting somewhere, so sometimes the only way we get some talk time in is when everyone is safely strapped into their car seats.

They confide their secrets to me while we're driving. They tell me what they want to be when they grow up (my daughter wants to be a Crystal Hunter, my son wants to be a Scarecrow). They tell me what they hope for and what they want. The one that is hard for me is when they tell me they hope I'll be able to stay home with them "like before." I assure them that I'm trying for that too, but that I'm always with them even if I'm not physically there. Sometimes it may just be the latest cool toy they want, but other times it's something sweet like feeding someone who doesn't have food. It's these thoughtful moments in conversation we have that I love them more than I thought possible.

I love the expression that goes into their stories and sometimes their stories lead me to my own deep place where I can question myself - in a good way. For instance, we were driving yesterday and we were talking about what we want and I got to thinking about how I can give more to my kids - not material things, but more of myself. The part of me that's fun and loving and happy; the best of me. The me that stops and listens and really hears what's being said without being preoccupied with diaper changes or dishes. I remember missing my own mom when she was running her own crazy schedule with 5 kids in tow. I feel as though I've only gotten to know her better with the birth of my own children. They get plenty of the driven, crazy, scheduled mom they see trying to cover all the bases. I hope I find a way for my kids to know me now. Is this possible? I don't really know. I'm finding that while more time with my kids is most ideal, it's more of a present me that seems to count the most. Who would've thought this could be so hard to genuinely give...


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