Monday, June 22, 2009

Off to the Races


My husband and my daughter ran their first 5k race together. I was so proud of my little trooper. My son and I walked around for a little while and waited for her and my husband to bring it home. We expected them to be awhile, but then she turned the corner for the home stretch. I've never seen so my determination on her face. Her little body was so tired and the smile she started the race with had been checked. They announced her name as she closed in on the finish line and I saw her dig deep to make it. She finished in a little over 35 minutes. My last 5k post-pregnancy run came in at about 31 minutes! While I felt like a total loser, I was so happy for my little speedster.

After the excitement settled, I looked around at the other racers coming in. Let me tell you, if you want to feel like crap about yourself, then go wait at the finish line of a local race. I put on makeup every single day I go to work. I style my hair. I squeeze my body into "professional" looking clothing. I cram my feet into stylish heels. So, on a day off or when the weekend rolls around, I try hard to do none of these things. Sunday's race appearance was no exception. I had on sweats, no makeup and comfortable tennis shoes. As I began to scan the crowd my eyes were compelled to focus on the healthy, lean and attractive women clustering in post race cheer. Good for them, right? Here's the kicker (in my rear). A lot of these women had now picked up their babies - not toddlers or preschoolers, but babies. I wanted to crawl in a hole. I felt like the biggest pile in the bunch.

I've never been bone thin, but I've been healthy and comfortable in my skin. These healthy runners, who also manage to be mom's, is a bitter reminder of what I am not. I even feel uglier. Since I've gone back to work and had a baby, I don't recognize myself. This body I have is not me. I should be cheering for these women, but instead I find myself loathing them. Why do we do this to ourselves and to our own? I'm going to try this week to add in two days of running - even if it's only on a treadmill. I don't think I can get anymore tired than I am. Really, what's the worst thing that can happen?







1 comment:

  1. hey lady....keep your head up. you are beautiful and made with a purpose.

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