Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Reunion

The morning I made my final decision about going to my high school reunion, a friend called me on my way to work to see what the verdict was. "Come on" she said "just do it, you'll regret not going - and you have a hot husband to show off." This almost swayed my decision. She's right my husband is hot, but right now, I am sooooo not. I still have a baby tire around my waist and double digit pant sizes are all that are fitting.

I had struggled with this decision for the last few weeks , as many of you read in an earlier post. High school for me was about finding the next big party, making the best mixed tapes and cutting class to head to the beach. I wasn't exactly an academic (I saved this part of my life for college). I always pictured going to this reunion feeling good about myself, and I just didn't.

I did not go to a big high school and a lot of people from high school have remained friends. It's not like anyone could just slip through the cracks and not be remembered, especially for who they were. Everyone knows everyone and parents who still live locally have retained their bragging rights as to how well their kids' lives have turned out. Nothing has changed in the last 15 years except that the population has grown.

My dad still lives in the town I grew up in and gives me periodic updates on how good or how bad he's heard someone I went to school with is doing. I get random tidbits like "I ran into Michelle's mom today at the grocery store. Yeah, I hear she talked to Amber's mom and she's not doing well- got sucked into terrible, but she says Michelle is thriving at her job and makes a lot of money and still lives in town." Of course Michelle is doing great. Was her mom gonna throw her under the bus? Who knows what he's adding to the conversation about me (I'm sure it's all good - fingers crossed!).

All I know is that I don't want to be part of these conversations, so like a big pansy I decided to forgo attending my 15 year high school reunion. I can't bare to be the fat girl, which in theory goes against my fundamental values of self worth, but it's the honest truth. Our class already snickers about one high school cheerleader who put on a lot of weight. I'm sure she's a nice person, but that's not what people are talking about. I shouldn't care what they think about me, but for some reason I still do. I've also come to realize that practicing what you preach sucks. We should all receive the right to briefly grovel in our own pity party before climbing out to get back on the wagon of our lives.

I did promise myself that I would attend a 20 year reunion, saddlebags or not. I've gotten new running shoes and I've started tracking my diet. Not going has actually turned into a bigger motivation to do better than if I did go. Here's to hoping for the best! If I'm still talking about losing weight in 5 years, I don't know what I'll do with myself.

1 comment:

  1. hey lady. i'm with you. cheers to the 20 year reunion. :-) great post!