Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Ode to Normal

Well the last few weeks have been crazy busy for me at work and at home, so posting anything has not been an option. Just as school started my oldest daughter came down with strep throat....ugh. I was so sure it was just the flu, but I heard a boy in her class had strep and I thought I'd take her to the doctor to be safe. I'm so glad I did otherwise I would've sent her back into the regular population to continue the spread of sickness. I was worried about the other kids getting sick, especially Baby, but the doctor said if we could make it a week we would be in the clear. This past Saturday marked one week and we celebrated a sick free house. I got a call from the Nanny this morning: my son is throwing up. So much for making it a week!

We had a nice easy long weekend. It of course ended much too quickly and much too abruptly. Saturday is my favorite day of the week. It's no secret that I crave the normal, so this weekend we just hung out and cleaned and gardened and played. Since I was home at 5:00pm, we actually got decent thought-out meals. The kids even spent the night in their new clubhouse with my husband. Life was good.

I miss focusing on domestic duties. Meal planning for example. When I was a stay-at-home mom I didn't hate it, but I definitely NEVER thought I'd miss it. I feel the same way about cleaning. There's something great about knowing a room is REALLY clean. I also love to bake and my kids love to participate, so it's a crowd pleaser. It give me something to focus on when I'm upset or frustrated. Cooking and cleaning blunt my anxiety about what our future holds. Food is love at my house...

In my plight to escape my body image, I tried to step it up a notch and went jogging with a friend on Saturday. I am still feeling the aches and pains of that decision today. I only jogged 2.7 miles, but I swear it felt like 15. It never ceases to amaze me how quickly your body can slide out of shape. I will press on...I can do this...just one foot in front of the other....who cares if the cars driving by see me gasping for air? I mean, not me...right?

The first day back from a holiday is always tough for me. I think it's tough for the kids too because they want me there maybe as much as I want to be there for them. I've given myself two years to get through this messy economy. At this point, I think I've got 1 1/2 years left. My husband and I have mapped out what we need to do to get me home with the kids and it's all I think about. I really want to stop playing the "Grass is Greener" game, but I can't. Having a back up plan gives me a sense of security, even if it's not realistic.

I'm fascinated by other mothers' plights. I talked to one mom this morning who now has a high schooler that still misses her and wishes she was able to be with her. I asked if she could do it again would she find a way at any cost to stay home. She didn't hesitate a bit and said "Yes." I could sell my house and move deep into the valley to a beautiful affordable home and be with my kids. What is more important: Where you grow up or who you grow up with?? I don't know the answer, but maybe some of you do...

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