Thursday, November 12, 2009

All Most There...

When you have small kids sleep deprivation is a way of life. My tell tale sign that I'm at my limit is when someone asks me a simple question like "What's your phone number?" and I can't give them the answer. I just stare at them blankly and make some dumb noise like "Uhhhh...uh....uh..." until the answer eventually makes its way out. This is completely humiliating in a work environment where thinking is not an option, but an absolute requirement.

I normally sleep about 4-5 hours a night - 6 if I'm lucky. This whole weaning the baby through the night is killing me. I'd say I've been averaging about 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep and I'm dying here. Last night I totally folded and threw a boob at my kid to get her back to sleep...two steps forward, three steps back.

Overall, I'm pretty good at my job. It's not that I like what I do or anything, it's simply that I hate feeling stupid so I'm that freaky person who is usually overly prepared, rarely wrong and on my game. I have rarely in my career ever been reprimanded for doing something I shouldn't have (again why this blog is anonymous!). Today was the exception. I missed something stupid because I am so tired and didn't have the energy to even debate it. I screwed up and the bosses were not happy. So, I sat there took my lashing like a big girl and began clock watching.

Thank God tomorrow is Friday...and thank God there is only 45 minutes left before I can leave without feeling guilty.

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