Monday, March 15, 2010

The Last Stop

Mondays are not my favorite. Throw daylight savings into the mix and well, a rough day follows - especially when the clock "springs forward" an hour.

Last week was too busy as usual, but I took Friday off to go to my daughter's First Grade recital, followed by a co-op in my son's preschool. It was a tightly scheduled morning, but I'm so glad I did it. I loved watching my daughter sing gloriously to sweet songs. She beamed with pride as she recited a few lines she worked so hard to memorize. She looked like a big kid.

My son smiled ear to ear as he introduced me as his mommy and helper in class that day. He loves knowing I see him play and I love that he really still loves me and isn't yet too proud to hug me whenever he feels like it. Being the parent helper in class gives me a glimpse into so much more than just my son. I get to see the other kids and how they act, I get to meet their parents and I get to see pure happiness. One highlight was a little boy asking if I was my son's grandma - it must have been the rimmed glasses (I hope!).

I kiss the baby goodbye everyday and head to work knowing fully that when I return there will have been something I missed. There are mothers I know and I am friends with who genuinely feel like their kids save the best of themselves for when they see them after work. I wish I felt that way, but I just don't. Maybe it's because I've been on both sides of the fence and I know first hand what I saw with one child and what I may have missed with another. I have come to accept that the baby prefers her dad, but when I have an extra day with the baby I milk it for all that it's worth. I can see a difference in the way she treats me in the longer, consistent span of time we spend together. It makes me work harder everyday to get to a place that spending more time with my family is an option.

I recently received a call from a colleague who asked if I'd possibly be interested jumping ship and moving to another company. The pay would be similar, but I would have more autonomy -which in my current micro-managed position sounded pretty good. But then I really thought about it and I concluded that this company is my last stop. It's not the perfect job, but no job that keeps me away from home ever will be so why bother? Every job - regardless of industry, has a downside. At least with this job I know what I'm getting. I was serious when I said two more years of this and I'm out. I don't know how yet, but I will find a way...

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