Monday, May 3, 2010

The Stories I Could Tell...

The last few weeks have been crazy and full - which explains the pause in any posts lately.

I could tell you how my baby woke up while I was in the shower at 5:30am, then tore off her diaper and peed on my carpet. The screaming from my big kid made me think someone is in my room dying, so I jumped out of the shower and left my own puddle on the floor trying to see what happened. I found my 6 year old telling me how sorry she was that she didn't know baby took off her diaper and peed because she couldn't see her; she only heard the pee puddling on the carpet. Of course I wasn't mad at her - no apology necessary. I could tell you how I spent that morning running from one disaster to the next. There is a similar poo story that followed, but when you've seen one poo, you've seen them all and no one wants to hear about poo.

I could tell you about how my nanny called me to tell me another nanny at my son's preschool was asking about my husband- and not in a good way (if you're his wife). I could tell you how weird it was to hear my nanny describe how another nanny thought my husband "is so hot." I could tell you how weird it was to hear this DILF story from my nanny...but I'm sure you get that already.

I could tell you about how I keep finding out more and more dirt about my corporate office that only confirms that women are truly the superior sex in my workplace. I could tell you how something good we tried to do at work was twisted into something malicious and conniving and how everyone's morale has been sent to the crapper. I could tell you how miserable my job is and yet how thankful I am to be working, but you've all heard this before.

I could tell you about how I ran my very first 10k race since the marathon in 2007 and I survived. I could tell you that the physical struggle was trumped by the mental achievement I felt. I could tell you that seeing my kids and my husband at the finish line with signs almost brought me to tears. I could tell you the emotions and clarity I worked out on that run were priceless, but you'll have to try it for yourself.

I will tell you that this weekend marked a new low for me as well as a new high as a mother. My 6 year old daughter again started on the "Why are you SO big" questions that break my heart - not because she's calling me "Big" but because she's thinking about people in terms of size.

I tried really hard to not show how much she was hurting my feelings and for 45 minutes I tried very hard to explain to her that how someone looks does not determine who they are. Earlier in the conversation she associated my "big bum" with my mom's. I didn't understand the association. "Why do you care if I'm big?" I ask her and she said "Because I don't want to be big." Ah...there it is. "But, why? Do you think big is bad?" I asked. "No, I just don't like it." For the record, I'm not THAT big!

She asked why I didn't look like my sister - who by the way is very, very thin and used to take care of the kids. We happended to see my sister the day this conversation happened. She told me she thought I didn't match her daddy because he's skinny and I'm big. She thought big people should be with big people and skinny people should be with skinny people. I explained our differences are sometimes what draw us together. She told me she wanted me to be skinny like I used to be. She wanted me to look like her Auntie L...Ugh...there was the low. Now, here comes the high...

When my daughter said she wanted me to look like my sister, my son said "NO! Don't look like her." He then turned to look at me and he said "Mommy, I like you just the way you are. I don't want you to look like her" and then me smiled at me and I knew he really saw me and loved me just the way I am. "Buddy, that is the nicest thing you've ever said to me" I told him. I just love that little boy...

I turned to my daughter and pulled the God card. "God makes us all different for a reason. If I'm supposed to be skinny or big or green or purple, then someday that's what I'll be. If not, then this is who I am and I'm happy with that. You need to remember to look at people's hearts, not their size to see if they are good people. "Okay, mama" is all she said, but I hope she heard me.

I know this will come up again. I wish it wouldn't, but as long as it's on her mind I hope she still talks to me and gets her answers from me instead of another mom or a kid on the playground

1 comment:

  1. pulled the god card??? :-) hey...did you know we're having twins?