Thursday, July 15, 2010


Anyone who knows me well knows that I've struggled with the logic of religion and faith over the years. I was always the kid in Sunday school who asked "Why?" I still remember the annoyed look on the face of my thin, pin-curled hair Sunday school teacher when the answer "Because He's always been there" wasn't a good enough one for me.

I spent a lot of my life trying to quantify how it all works; the big picture. Finally, while I was in college (and on my way to a Catholic college) I read the Good Book front to back. Some of it was lovely, but there were other parts that I so disappointed in. I didn't want to be disappointed and I was so tired of all the questions I had, so I just stopped them. I let the notion of God as many people perceive Him go...I do not necessarilybelieve in God, but man, I really hope that he exists. The moment the doubt and the questions stopped my brain found peace.

Here's the part that a lot of people don't understand: I'm raising my children christian. "Why" do you ask? Well, because I do think it's important for kids to feel like there is something bigger than all of us and that no matter what, they are NEVER alone. Just because I haven't been able to steady my faith does not mean that they shouldn't have it either.

All of that said, this brings me to why I even brought all of this up...

My friend "J" and his lovely wife have 4 beautiful children and earlier this year they were surprised by the coming of twin girls. They were nervous about adding two more to their brood, but they knew they'd make it work. They discovered the twins had twin to twin transfusion syndrome, or TTTS. They went ahead and did a surgery they thought would help, but earlier this week they made the decision to delivery early because one of the girls was getting sicker which could affect the other healthier girl. They lost one of their two girls the other night and my heart is just breaking for them. I didn't know what to do for them...

I don't pray often and while I struggle with the notion itself I still find that I do it on occasion because, frankly, I don't know what to do. This was one of those occasions. The pain and joy they must be feeling in celebrating one life and mourning the loss of another is more than my mommy head can wrap itself around. I have relieved in knowing this family has faith to lean on.

For lack of knowing what else to do, I pray for them and I wish them peace in their heads and in their hearts soon.

1 comment:

  1. I couldn't agree with you more on your religion/faith points. As the years go on, I question my beliefs more and more...and pray less and less...and usually when I don't know what else to do. On another note, your poor poor friends...So sad.