Monday, September 13, 2010

Rise and Shine

What a busy weekend!  Saturday marked the beginning of the soccer season and the introduction of running between two different kids' games.  Saturday began at 5:45am to get everyone up, dressed and out the door to the soccer parade by 7:00am.  Then, we moved onto a quick stop at Target for a Sunday birthday party, then onto the first of two games.  The games had a slight overlap which required the difficult task of driving separately and finding parking for two cars at the various soccer fields we needed to be at.  The logistics of the whole thing were definitely an eye opener of what's to come for us. 

As much as I despise work, this is the first time I've actually been able to breath in the last few days. My vice is that I have trouble sleeping when I can't get my head to turn off. Last night was another one of those nights. I tried to "clean" it out of my system and washed dishes till midnight and did a little laundry. Then I finally laid in bed until I had no choice but to close my eyes. The last clock check was at 1:11am. This was followed by a baby having bad dreams at some point in the night, a cold big kid at 4:30am and a choking little guy at 5:30am and a late alarm at 5:45am. I am a zombie today.

My commute last week was HORRIFIC.  I can (barely) deal with one day of 2 hour commute time a week, but throw in an additional day on top of that and I nearly want to throw myself into the wall.  I guess a big rig on fire requiring the closure of most of the freeway lanes explains a lot, but tell that to my big kid whose pre-game practice I missed. 

Now that I'm trying to wrap my head around the "this might be forever" I know that I will not mentally survive the angst of sitting in the car while my kids grow up.  So what did I do?  I applied for new jobs in different cities.  What do I have to lose.  If the pay is right, I'm jumping ship.  If the pay is close, I still may jump ship.

This doesn't change that I want to be home with my kids.  There is NOTHING in this world I want more than to be with my babies.  If I'm honest with myself, I know I don't have a problem working, but I do while my kids are small like they are.  The clock flies way too fast right now and things change with them daily.  I wish that I could buy myself grammar school with them.  I say that, but who knows if that in the end would actually be enough...  But, if I have to work - which we ALL know I do with the amount of bitching I share here, then I mine as well conquer. 

There is no place for me to move up in my current company.  The way our corporate structure (conveniently) works, it does not allow for the advancement of women - which actually feels weird saying since it is 2010!  I know I've said it before, but for the first time in my career I had no urge to advance, which made staying in a company with no real advancement potential appealing.  That mentality is over.  I worked so hard in my twenties to get here.  Why shouldn't I keep pushing if in the end it means this whole work thing might end sooner?  More money = debt paid off faster = quitting my job sooner.  Nothing will ever take precedence over my family, but I need to do something different because the current path isn't working.

We'll see what happens; we'll see how my ego takes the hit if I don't get call backs on my applications.  I can't complain about anything if I don't try...my fingers are crossed!

1 comment:

  1. good luck lady. you could always move to suisun...it's a little cheaper??? at least you'd have good neighbors. :-)

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