Wednesday, October 13, 2010

The Green...

I often talk about my "grass is greener" fantasy and how I've half convinced myself that this is actually true.  I think the fantasy provides an immediate, although momentary relief of the stress and pressure I feel to make it all work on my terms.  I still believe the grass COULD be greener on the other side of the fence (say maybe in the Pacific Northwest), but I'm also pretty sure that the grass I have right under my feet is maybe some of the greenest.

The last few weeks have been filled with personal triumphs and tragedy.  Cancer seems to be everywhere and does not discriminate. My uncle, who I was not close to, died of cancer about a week ago.  It's not his death that checked me, but the affect that it has had on his family.  They are understandably devastated by the loss and are struggling daily to move forward. Also on my mind are the two women in my neighborhood who recently lost their battle with the disease, the one man who is in remission and the two other women who are battling to survive breast and stage 4 colon cancer.  The latter and newest addition to the list is a mother who has an 8 year old son.  I have a 7 year old.  This could be me.

I am a pessimist by nature.  I can't help that aspect of who I am, so covering the worst case scenario is, for me, what ensures my existence.  What would happen if I got cancer?  Would I have done everything in my power to prepare my body to fight for me?  Did I buy organic enough?  Sure, who wouldn't want a bikini worthy body - ME, ME, ME, but frankly I'd rather my body be healthy and strong.  I don't EVER want my kids to experience what my cousins are going through.  

For the last few weeks I have payed close attention to what I'm putting into my body.  We even started a friendly and supportive competition amongst our offices to - if you will - participate in our own version of The Biggest Loser.  Right now, I am 5 lbs down.  It's not much, but it's something.  This weekend I will be running in the Nike Women's Half Marathon.  Cross your fingers for me.  The streets of SF are hilly and rough.

I know this is a shocker to my husband, but I'm not perfect.  All I can do is try.  I can't guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to me or my family, but I can do my best to keep us on the right path.  At the end of the day, all things considered, my grass is pretty green and I want to keep it that way.

1 comment:

  1. You have a really great blog (and by the way, you leave awesome comments on other blogs!). I really identified with so much you wrote about here... the pessimism (I can't help it, that cup IS half empty!), the cancer all around (a 28 year old friend was just diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer), and the aura of perfection (don't tell my DH, but I'm not perfect either).

    Looking forward to reading more from you!