Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Hold On...

Soccer season ended this past weekend which will hopefully allow for some much needed breathing room at our house.  No more shuffling game to game until January.  Work has been crazy as I try to effectively manage two different, but still complex projects simultaneously.  Corporate always wants to have someone accountable should the project fall apart and that someone, luckily, is me...awesome.

For the last few weeks I feel like I've been barely holding on - at home and at work.  Right now I'm walking the fine line between treading water and drowning.  The constant mantra in my head is "Just hold on" but I'm not sure how much longer I can.  Each personal triumph, no matter how great or small, seems to get eaten up by the unexpected consequences of everyday life. 

My Big Girl brought a new joke to the dinner table.  "Mom, do you like nuts?"  It was an out of the blue question, but so are most of her questions so I answered, "Yes, I like nuts."  "These nuts?" she said as she directed both of her pointer fingers to her crotch.  My husband almost chocked on his food as I sent him the "Don't you dare laugh" look across the table.  Over the next few minutes I explained the inappropriateness of the "joke" and asked her to never tell it again. 

The bad language, the different body part names, the "Mean Girls" and the other cliques - they've already started and  it's only second grade.  I knew these things would all present themselves at some point, but already?!?  I've already begun to see snapshots of character I have no doubt will become even more crystal clear as high school comes. 

Respect has been something, no matter how disfunctional our house was growing up, that was not an option for us to have.  I'm not saying we didn't test the waters, because we were kids and of course we did.  But - we also learned quickly that we had better respect adults, the law, our teachers and others or suffer the wrath of my mother. 

I've walked in both the stay-at-home mom and a working mom shoes.  There is no question that both of these roles come with their own challenges.  When you're a SAHM you NEVER have a free moment to yourself or a break in cleaning.  When you're a working mom, you are always exhausted and struggle to establish a real presence when you only really see your kids a couple hours a day AND can never make all of the school events (like the ones held in the middle of the day for 30 minutes!)  For me, as I struggle to stay involved in the building of my little people into good productive human beings there is no question which pair of shoes fit me best.  

I know the pyschic said I'm not winning the lottery and I'm in for a long hard road, but F it.  I need a little light at the end of the tunnel today.

Just hold on, just hold on, just hold on...

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