Today is just one of those days that I'm willing to say out loud "I hate my job." Sometimes the out loud is what makes it real and you spiral to a point of total bleakness. Today I don't care. Today is bleak and it is was dumping fierce rain earlier.
Nothing is really going wrong and the work load is not crazy heavy, I think I just hate dealing with the office politics. I swear, the men in my office are the stereo-typical women we hear most men bitch about. They're whiny and sulky and they sit at their desk and snivel. The size of the egos around here that need to be stroked is unnerving! I want to just start yelling at these whiny man-bitches to suck it up - god knows we women here do it ALL THE TIME! We don't bitch about our husbands, our kids are not better than everyone else's and we don't openly complain when things don't go our way!
The one constant in my mind as I sit at this desk all day (besides me missing my kids)is that I cannot WAIT to get the hell out of here. I keep putting these time stamps like, "In two years, I'm quitting" or "When I win the lottery, I'm definitely leaving" or "If my husband gets a job somewhere far away, I guess I'll HAVE to quit my job and move there." I think feeling like there is an end to this whole mess is what gets me to the next day.
Now that I've gotten all that off my chest...
I know these are tough economical times and don't mistake my discontent for being ungrateful. I am grateful to be working, but I just HATE what I do. It was only supposed to get me through college! And, here I am...still...almost 14 years later. Maybe it's leaving the kids I love everyday knowing that I'm going somewhere I just don't want to be that makes it the most difficult. Maybe if I actually had a little umph about what I do it would make a difference.
Anyone who knows me knows that one of my hobbies is perusing real estate pages for that perfect home. I love where I live now, but my house is too small and oddly laid out. It's not the home I had envisioned my children coming someday to visit with their own children in tow. Truth be told, I'm probably never going to move, but it gives my brain some candy for a few minutes. Who knows, maybe that home will come along one day and I'll be waiting...patiently.