Friday, February 18, 2011

No Whining Today...

The past few weeks have been filled with the busy life work and home inevitably demand.  As a family, we have some really tough decisions to make over the course of the next few months - but nothing life threatening.  I was all geared up with a shallow post on how tough the balance of work and home are when I received an email from my son's school. 

The email was about a little boy named Logan who is a student at the preschool.  Our family doesn't know his family, but like any parent I don't doubt we love our children the same.  The email shared that Logan is a 4 year old suffering from a cancerous brain tumor.  That next week he goes in for surgery and his family needs our prayers. 

My heart sank.  Four years old.  I year younger than my son and just a small distance from my baby girl.  No parents should ever have to experience the sleepless nights and anxious days I can't help but imagine are occurring.

No shallow posting today.  Just a prayer for this family.  If you want to read about Logan's story from his mother's perspective click on Logan's Story.

Go hug your little one's or the little one's you love and be thankful!  Have a nice holiday weekend everyone!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

A New Day

I have to remember that it doesn't matter how long I've been here, Mondays are ALWAYS hard for me.  Changing gears from "Mommy" to "Boss" is still not a natural transition for me.  Yesterday, I let my insecurities boil over and freaked myself out - shocker, I know.  Today is a new day and it's going to be better (even if I have to kick someones ass to make it happen).

Options are never a bad thing.  In theory, choices should improve our ability to control our destiny - and they do - if you make the right decision.  I'm not going to lie, as much as I look forward to leaving this job, it is a little daunting to think about losing this paycheck and depending on my husband.  It feels good to contribute to our family monetarily, but crappy when you cannot find the balance of equally contributing to their lives. It will be an easy decision to leave when the time comes...I hope.  I think I will ultimately go back to teaching if I have to do something and this will be a happy medium.

My sweet baby girl looked up at me this morning as I kissed her goodbye and said "I go with you Mommy?" "No Baby, I've got to go to work" "I ride in your car!" "Not today, Baby...maybe next time?" This was followed by about five "Why's" then "Okay, Mommy."  She gave me the best hug and kiss and sent me on my way...She is the best thing I ever begged my husband for. And, I know he would agree.

Eye on the prize, EYE ON THE PRIZE...

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Are We There Yet?

I recently saw a picture of myself and it was not the person I remember myself looking like.  I looked tired and  heavier and older.  I looked at my chubby self and I wondered who that was staring back at me.  I know that I am older, this came as no surprise.  It's the way I'm getting older that I found to be the real shocker.  I guess that I've just gotten so caught up in  every day life, I didn't realize that aging has not occurred as graceful as I always pictured it - in more ways than just how I look.

When I was in my twenties I was sure that life in my thirties would be so different.  I worked long and hard hours to achieve a solid future where I could finally breath... I thought my path would be paved and as long as I just stayed between the dotted lines things would drive smoothly.  I know this sounds naive, but I never really accounted for changing lanes or desiring to "off-ramp."  Doesn't everyone say that 30 is the new 20?!?  Was this just to make themselves feel better in their 30's?  I still feel as much pressure as I did in my 20's, it's just in a different way now that my little people depend on me to make the right choices.  I put a lot more thought into the consequences of my choices, which I think is normal, but is it always better?

I feel like I'm at a crossroads on where we go next.  Do we choose the safe route or the one that allows us to keep our dreams alive?  Responsible or crazy and exciting?  As a current responsible "grown-up" I think the answer is to be responsible, but then I start thinking by making the easy choice we are actually doing a disservice to ourselves and our kids by not encouraging dream chasing.  But, what if we fail?

I don't know what the answer is...I wish someone could just tell me when we're "there" already... 

Friday, February 4, 2011

Funny Things My Kids Say

I'm so happy it's Friday that it's actually pathetic.  So, on that note, I thought I'd pass on a funny thing my Big Kid has said too often about her brother:

"But, Moooom! I have to help him because he's still little and his brain isn't right yet!"

My poor Little Man...I think is brain is perfect!

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

One Day at a Time

I've been trying SO hard to play a new set of cards and stay positive this year.  I keep telling myself I'm not a bad mother for going to work, I'm not a terrible wife because I'm so embarrassed by my fat ass I don't let my husband see it, I'm not an awful employee because I want to be treated fairly, I'm not a bad friend because I can't find five minutes to just call you, but some days even the greatest of wills succumb to cynical defeat. 

My husband and I have made the decision that no matter how much we make someday we do not want to be slaves to a mortgage.  I love to travel and in a different time in my life I did just that. There are far more important experiences in life than living in a big house. And, one day when it's just my husband and I who is going to clean that big house? 

We had an architect look at our house last week and her assessment of what she thought it would cost to expand our humble abode was very different than ours.  Not a problem.  We can can work with this...But then I started thinking, "But, how?"  How the hell are we going to save enough to front this expense?! We bought our house in peak market and we'll never be able to tap into any equity before my kids are in college.   

Then I do the "flip-flop."  The flip:  Three kids sharing one room is not a big deal.  It encourages comfort in small spaces and sharing.  The flop: My poor daughter getting training bras one day too soon and my son ridiculing her just before asking "Hey, do your friends wear bras too?"  My new self-induced mental trauma now leads to my common path of self-pity:  I'm going to have to go work for freaking ever...

Now, it's not that work is terrible right now.  Busy? Absolutely, but not awful.  We've buttoned up one major capital project and we've got one to go set for completion in March.  I'm the boss of my own space, I have good size office where I can escape and I have a good staff.  My company dished out more than fair bonuses and salary increases and on paper my life is pretty perfect.  Why can't I just buy on to this already?  I've achieved everything I could have hoped for...

But, then I became a mother. Being a mom was never in my plan, yet here it is and it's all I want... I know I've said this before, but this is my blog and I'll say it again:  Who knew being a mom could be the greatest thing I never knew I wanted so much.  My best day at work has never been as good as my worst day at home with my kids - and there have been some rough ones ;-).

One day at time...Being a grown-up is overrated.