Monday, February 7, 2011

Are We There Yet?

I recently saw a picture of myself and it was not the person I remember myself looking like.  I looked tired and  heavier and older.  I looked at my chubby self and I wondered who that was staring back at me.  I know that I am older, this came as no surprise.  It's the way I'm getting older that I found to be the real shocker.  I guess that I've just gotten so caught up in  every day life, I didn't realize that aging has not occurred as graceful as I always pictured it - in more ways than just how I look.

When I was in my twenties I was sure that life in my thirties would be so different.  I worked long and hard hours to achieve a solid future where I could finally breath... I thought my path would be paved and as long as I just stayed between the dotted lines things would drive smoothly.  I know this sounds naive, but I never really accounted for changing lanes or desiring to "off-ramp."  Doesn't everyone say that 30 is the new 20?!?  Was this just to make themselves feel better in their 30's?  I still feel as much pressure as I did in my 20's, it's just in a different way now that my little people depend on me to make the right choices.  I put a lot more thought into the consequences of my choices, which I think is normal, but is it always better?

I feel like I'm at a crossroads on where we go next.  Do we choose the safe route or the one that allows us to keep our dreams alive?  Responsible or crazy and exciting?  As a current responsible "grown-up" I think the answer is to be responsible, but then I start thinking by making the easy choice we are actually doing a disservice to ourselves and our kids by not encouraging dream chasing.  But, what if we fail?

I don't know what the answer is...I wish someone could just tell me when we're "there" already... 

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