Tuesday, February 1, 2011

One Day at a Time

I've been trying SO hard to play a new set of cards and stay positive this year.  I keep telling myself I'm not a bad mother for going to work, I'm not a terrible wife because I'm so embarrassed by my fat ass I don't let my husband see it, I'm not an awful employee because I want to be treated fairly, I'm not a bad friend because I can't find five minutes to just call you, but some days even the greatest of wills succumb to cynical defeat. 

My husband and I have made the decision that no matter how much we make someday we do not want to be slaves to a mortgage.  I love to travel and in a different time in my life I did just that. There are far more important experiences in life than living in a big house. And, one day when it's just my husband and I who is going to clean that big house? 

We had an architect look at our house last week and her assessment of what she thought it would cost to expand our humble abode was very different than ours.  Not a problem.  We can can work with this...But then I started thinking, "But, how?"  How the hell are we going to save enough to front this expense?! We bought our house in peak market and we'll never be able to tap into any equity before my kids are in college.   

Then I do the "flip-flop."  The flip:  Three kids sharing one room is not a big deal.  It encourages comfort in small spaces and sharing.  The flop: My poor daughter getting training bras one day too soon and my son ridiculing her just before asking "Hey, do your friends wear bras too?"  My new self-induced mental trauma now leads to my common path of self-pity:  I'm going to have to go work for freaking ever...

Now, it's not that work is terrible right now.  Busy? Absolutely, but not awful.  We've buttoned up one major capital project and we've got one to go set for completion in March.  I'm the boss of my own space, I have good size office where I can escape and I have a good staff.  My company dished out more than fair bonuses and salary increases and on paper my life is pretty perfect.  Why can't I just buy on to this already?  I've achieved everything I could have hoped for...

But, then I became a mother. Being a mom was never in my plan, yet here it is and it's all I want... I know I've said this before, but this is my blog and I'll say it again:  Who knew being a mom could be the greatest thing I never knew I wanted so much.  My best day at work has never been as good as my worst day at home with my kids - and there have been some rough ones ;-).

One day at time...Being a grown-up is overrated. 


1 comment:

  1. "Being a grown up is overrated" -- love this!