Monday, March 14, 2011

My Sweet Boy

My girls are loud and outspoken, sweet and loving.  They demand my attention even when I'm too tired to give it; they do not accept the word "No" well and I do not foresee this changing anytime soon.  My Big Girl is sharp and quick to point out  an instance 4 years ago where I playfully swatted her on her bum - admittedly harder than I had intended and that I "hurt her on purpose."  The Baby gets babied because she is the baby.  But not my Little Man...

He is my middle child, my smart and handsome little prince.  He is well behaved, but fiery when pushed to his limit.  He is not a dweller.  He doesn't remember what he was upset about 10 minutes ago, much less 4 years ago.  As long as you have a heart beat, he'll talk to you and be your friend.  He is kind and patient and loves both my husband and I so deeply and genuinely.

Yesterday, he got really upset that his big sister was going to a classmate's to work on their Science Fair project and ran upstairs and hid under his bed crying.  The incident was out the ordinary and kind of baffling.  It had to be something else besides his sister going to a friends to do homework.  I thought maybe something was bothering him and this just iced the cake??  I didn't really know...

Maybe he just needs some time for just him, I thought.  I offered to take him to any kids movie of his choice.  He declined.  To make matters worse, he said "Mommy, now that you go to work you don't play with me as much anymore." The flood gates of my mommy guilt came sweeping in...My sweet boy who is so patient and rarely complains and doesn't dwell noticed this. I almost started crying; I could almost cry now thinking about it.

I needed something really good to try and redeem myself as his mother.  I offered him a trip to his favorite park since the sun was out, albeit barely.  "YES!" he said excited.  Great!  Fresh air AND it's free!  I headed back to the house to quickly to pack up snacks and shoes for the Baby Girl.  He smiled all the way to the park.  I'm not kidding, the moment we pulled up and unbuckled the rain started.  Then got harder.  "Sorry, Buddy" I said.  "It's just too wet."  He let out a huge sigh, hung his head and began buckling himself back up.  "Thanks for trying, Mom."  I know this small gesture of appreciation is just that, small, but it broke my heart.

I thought a lot about what he said.  I realized that because he's not loud and demanding and because he's such a good little boy, he may be getting less attention than the girls.  The day before we left his baseball opening day early to make it to his sister's last basketball game.  Then we went to her softball practice ti bring cookies (that he doesn't even like) before heading to his first game.  We ran around a lot of the day for her.  My Big Girl gets a lot and is vocal about feeling like she's been shorted in anyway, all the while my son just quietly puts up with it, not complaining and staying in line.  I think this is really what he was upset about (getting shafted) but didn't know how to explain it.

I need to work harder the older they get.  Sure, they're tough when their babies but their needs do not subside along side the diapers.  I need to remember just because they aren't screaming at me doesn't mean they don't need me.  Kids are really good about telling you what they long as you're listening with you eyes and your ears. 

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