Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The Derby Update


Betcha wanna know how Derby went....Well, it was GREAT.  I'd be lying if I didn't say the hard tumbles and the rigorous coach didn't scare me, but these women were AMAZING.  As required, I sat through one practice and couldn't stay away...I joined the team two days later and did a half practice last week - mostly as a relief to the stress of my Matron of Honor duties for my sister's wedding - which has since concluded (HALLA-FREAKIN-LULLAH). Congrat's little sister!

Last night I rolled out onto the outdoor concrete rink for my first all-in, two hour practice.  I showed up in full derby attire:  a running skirt, teal tights and teal argyle knee high socks, full pads (everywhere) and of course the helmet.  I made the mistake of only wearing ankle socks last week and the cuts in my ankles from my skates are not healing as quickly as I'd like.  The best part is that when I came down the stair last night, my husband looked over and said "You're not going to the grocery store like that are you?" Uhhh-NO.

I've skated more in the last week than in the last 15 years of my life.  I finally took some good tumbles last night - which I needed to get out of my system in order to stop being afraid of it.  While my rear is hurting, I thought it would honestly hurt more.  The weather was just right; warm with a nice, cool, summer breeze. 

I am a worrier by nature - which I blame on my birth order (I'm the oldest).  When I found my stride skating around the track, it's like my head just calmed for a few minutes.  I didn't worry about my usual vicious cycle of thoughts consisting of my crazy work life and my greatest fear of never escaping my job, resulting in my being a shitty mom and a space cadet blur of a wife.  I felt like for a few minutes I would survive, like I was okay.  I found piece for the first time in a long time on the track last night. 

The best part about this team is that these women are from outside my normal circle.  I would not seek most of these women out as friends, though there is an easy camaraderie amongst us.  These women are not part of my work life and not part of the PTA crowd associated with my kids' school.  Not that these are bad, but it was refreshing to just "be" without any label - self induced or not.

This hadn't played into the decision to join, but I recognize the benefits of  this now.  No one on the track cares what I do for a living or how much my husband makes or where I live or what schools my kids go to or what sports my kids play or what college they plan on attending or where I vacation - you get the gist.  These are just women who show up to skate in order to achieve their own personal goals.  And so far, this works just fine with me.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Roller Derby Girls....

My life revolves around two things:  work and family.  I often gripe about my lack of time and my battle with my body and it's inability to slim down to my pre-3rd baby size.  I am exhausted most of the time and at best a "Jack of Trades,  Master of None."  I have absolutely nothing that is just for me.  Just saying it makes me feel selfish.  Most of what I do revolves around others - which I'm not necessarily complaining about, but it might be nice if I could find an outlet for just me that would make me an overall more balanced and pleasant person.

On that note, I caught an article in the local paper a few weeks back about Roller Derby Girls...and they were recruiting.  If any of you have seen the movie, Whip It, then you know that these girls don't look like they run around in Ann Taylor apparel all day at desk jobs - like me.  I remember watching that movie thinking how ballsy it was to go after something you enjoy.  Then the "If I were only 25 again..." made me check the idea...not.

 Well, I haven't stopped thinking about this for weeks now and I finally emailed the group looking for a try-out schedule. I started thinking, what next?  Am I going to ask "Oh, if I were only 34 again...I would've______."  Life is too short.  Seriously, what do I have to lose (besides my pride,some teeth and maybe a hip - yikes)?  My twenties are gone and my kids are getting bigger by the day.  I don't want to be the woulda, coulda, shoulda girl.  I want to be alive today not just focus on where I'll be in 5 years from now.  I think I need to add a leg to "My Plan" that allows for personal wellness.

I've set up at time to meet with the Derby Girls Monday to see if I'm actually gonna do this.  They have names like "HellZ NellZ" and "FEARlis" and be a liar if I didn't admit I was slightly intimidated.  It's exhilarating in some ways to be freaked out and excited at the same time.  Truth be told, I'm not even sure if I can make a lap on roller skates, but I HAVE to try...

Holy Beep!  I can't believe I'm thinking about doing this!  Wish me luck!  I'll post soon and tell you how it goes :-)

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Funny Girl

"Baby, you CANNOT run across the gym in your princess shoes."
"Because you'll fall and hurt yourself."
"Do you promise me you're going to walk?"
"Okay, shake on it."  At this point I extend my hand out to her to shake hands.
"Okay" she says and she wiggles and shakes her body in agreement.

I laughed so hard and she had no idea what she'd done.  In good spirit, she laughed too.  Seriously, I forget sometimes just how tiny she still is and how much more she still has to learn in comparison to the other two.  I just love my baby girl...who now wants to be called "Big Girl."

Friday, July 1, 2011


These past few month have been a whirlwind...It never fails that when you want time to most slow down, it goes faster and when you can't get to the next day quick enough, it always lags.  There is no question that for the last 4 years life has seemed overwhelmingly busy, but last week... last week I hit the wall...and I hit it hard.

I've always believed the balance of life's different compartments, work, home, kids, self etc. are achievable as long as they are not all out of whack at the same time.  This theory tested itself out last week and it is no longer just a belief of mine but a true test case.

For the last month I have not been sleeping well.  I've been fighting with myself to make my head stop thinking long enough to attain some level of peace through sleep.  I've even begun running at night with a jogging stroller to get the constant nagging of  "to-do's" to stop in my head.  But then, even my dreams began to unravel, turning abruptly from rainbows to my greatest fears.  Even in my sleep I couldn't find peace.

I have taken my "List" tendencies to a whole new level - I think my boss was actually alarmed by the length of my pending work list it as me made comment to it while perusing my desk.  My other personal lists:  Maid of Honor To-Do's, Home To-Do's, Self To-Do's (listed last of course), are less daunting but linger none the less.

Last week, after an emergency at my project which caused the loss of A/C and restroom facilities for 18 floors of unhappy people, I fought traffic for almost two hours which created a domino effect making me late to pick up my girls, which made me late to drop one off to basketball, which caused us to have dinner at 8:30pm (30 minutes past kid bed time) and my husband had to work late.

I finally walked into the garage and cried, not caring at this point if my kids ever went to bed.  My husband called me when I was out there and all I could say is "I'm calling UNCLE...I can't do this." Accurately so, he laughed and said "You can't call UNCLE with kids."  While I knew he was right, I just needed a few minutes to collect myself.  "I'm in the garage" I said.  "Don't worry I can hear the kids from here if there's anything wrong."  I swear not 5 minutes went by and I heard a kid crying.  With I sigh I told my husband I had to go. 

My Baby Girl playfully hit my Big Girl in the head with a pillow that had a metal know on it....first crying kid.  In the commotion my son came peeling around the corner to see what was going on, slipped and hit his head on the wall...second crying kid.  Next, the Baby slipped on a step and hit her shin...third crying kid.  Already overwhelmed, we all just parked ourselves on the stairs, hugged and cried.  After a few minutes, we all started laughing at how silly we looked.  Picturing it all in my head now, it looks even more ridiculous. 

I think I needed to hit the wall to refocus on my goals.  I'm so close.  So freakin' close to everything I've ever wanted in my whole life.  Yet, it's all just out of reach...but I guess this is what keeps us motivated to try harder.  I have to learn that the list is never completed, the house is never going to remain spotless and that if I never get to quit my job everything will be alright...right???