Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Favorites

My baby is hardly a baby anymore.  She turned 3 this past November and she is a breath of fresh air every time I see her.  Even when she's kicking ans screaming and pitching a tantrum fit for a king, I look at and back at her and just love every moment with her.  Like the others, I beg her to stay 3.  I thought I almost had her the other day, "Will you get me a milkshake?" "If I say yes, will you stay 3?" "Sorry mama, I need to grow bigger.  I tried...  

She is different than my other two.  Maybe it's because she's the baby that I focus on all minutia.  I've always been a working mother with her and she does not fault me for this. She was sick last week and I stayed home from work.  "Mama, will you stay with me forever?"  "I'll always be with you forever." "You can't.  You have to go to work." "You're right, but I'm always in your heart, even when I'm not holding you and I'll hurry to get home."  "Just like God?" "Sort of..." 

My Big Girl is so smart and such an incredible athlete at 8.  I see so many good qualities come through her actions when her words don't quite exhibit this.  She's gotten old enough to pass on the excitement of me coming home, yet reserves the right to be angry with me for not being home. It's a no-win situation.  I remember when she was little would run to the door and throw her arms around me.  I hold onto this when I miss her.  I know she is still pissed off I didn't figure out how to be a stay at home mom.  I know because she doesn't hold back on how she feels about the whole situation.  She fights me often and has no problem blaming me for things that couldn't possibly be my fault.  I know she loves me, but I feel her judgment: for not being a good enough mom, for being heavier than some of the other moms, for not having eight arms instead of two.  I know a big part of this is because she is getting bigger and thinks that she understands everything.  She understands a lot, but lacks perspective which will only come with age and possibly with her own children...trust me.   

My Little Man has the biggest heart of all.  My dad often wraps nick-knacks he finds around his house in an effort to give them something.  He doesn't have a lot, but wants to give something to stay up with the other grandparents.  My son asked me a few weeks back "Why does Grandpa wrap old stuff from his house and give it to us?" "Because he wants you to know he's thinking about you and he doesn't have a lot of money, so he wants to give you what he has." "Okay"  he said and that was the end of it.  My dad such a better grandpa than he ever was a father.

My husband went to my dad's last week and was taking our Little Man with him.  Before they left, my son had emptied his piggy band (which he covets) and had put all the contents into a zip lock bag.  "What are you doing buddy?" "Mom says Grandpas doesn't have a lot of money, so I'm going to give him mine so he has some."  My heart melted...He doesn't just watch out for my dad, but me too.  When my Big Girl is giving me a tough time he'll says something nice to me to lessen the blow.  "It's okay mom, I think you're muffins might taste better when they cool." For the record, my muffins did not taste better, but I appreciate my little boy had the heart to think about my feelings...Instead of the "These are the WORST muffins I've ever tasted!!!!"

I really do believe you don't have a favorite child.  I believe that each child is your favorite for different reasons.  My Big Girl is my favorite because she's my oldest and first baby girl.  She has an spicy edge to her which is both a blessing and a challenge.  She is the child that taught me about loving someone more than myself.  My son is my favorite because he has the biggest and kindest heart of any human being I've ever known.  He's reserved and humble; there is no show-boat with him.  He gives me hope in humanity.  My Baby Girl is my favorite because she is just that, my baby.  She reminds you of what true joy and happiness can look like and is contagious in her plight for these.  She's tough, but loves anyone who will allow her to;  she has an open heart.



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