Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Yippee for Me...NOT

I received my client’s “report card” this week and it was a good one.  So good in fact, my CFO called me giddy and told me to print this and put it in my resume file because my achievements and marks were some of the highest they have ever seen and that I want to hold onto that.  "Great" I think and follow her instruction and try to share in her excitement over it all.  The fact that I am excelling in the work place is fantastic.  I should be thrilled at the confirmed job security and I should be patting myself on the back for a job well done.  I should be proud of this…

But I am not.  It felt great for about 2 hours before the shit storm of work came crashing down around me.  My bosses know that I do a great job, but truthfully, they have no idea what I go through to make sure this happens.  The negotiations, the stroking of egos, the balancing of personalities in the staff, the long hours, the forfeiture of lunch, my carefree (phone call free) evenings, scheduling and oversight of all the balls constantly up in the air.  If anything, I feel like this achievement solidifies that I am a failure in the areas most important to me…as a mother and a wife…with derby a far distant 3rd place.  Those most important areas of my life are also the ones that HAVE to burden the flexibility needed to consistently be on top of my job – and to compile it all, I stay on top of my work to ensure I can take care of my VIP’s.  It’s a catch-22…

Thank goodness for audio books because without them – and this is literally the truth, I don’t think I could make it.  I’m on the Hunger Games trilogy now and they are so amazing, I have no choice but to surrender my reality for a few hours each day to escape into my beloved fictionalized world.

Friday cannot come soon enough…


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