Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Forward Motion

Okay, so it's been a few weeks and it's still been pretty awful and awkward here at work since the boss meltdown.  Today was the first day he actually tried to make small talk with me, which I guess is a move in the right direction.  I wish I could get past the fact he might have been having a bad day, but I can't.  I've become that employee who does "just enough" and I have to say, it's awesome and really demoralizing all at the same time.  I hate those people and yet here I am.

I LOVED derby and I wasn't going to sit on the bench and take it from them and I'm certainly not going to take it from a grown man pitching a fit - regardless if I deserved it or not (which I didn't).  The good thing is that this whole thing has set a fire under me to move on.  My time in this city has run it's course.  I'm now on the verge of turning 36 years old and I hate the direction my career has taken me.  If my 30's have taught me anything, it's that YOU determine you're life - there's no one to blame but you if you don't like where you are. 

A recent conversation with my little sister, who has a demanding career, really put things into perspective .  On paper, her life is perfect.  She is in her late 20's, smart, beautiful, holds a fancy job title, makes a ton of money, has a door man and rubs elbows with celebs and socialites everywhere.  But, she is lonely and is constantly wound tight.  As her and I spent my commute commiserating about the pressure and "right" thing to do, I realized she is me in my 20's; so focused on validating myself though the success of my career.  I felt so sad for her...and then for myself for wasting so much time...

I took an interview last week for a position I didn't get, but still got a callback saying they were really impressed and that they were posting another position I may be better suited for.  I should interview next week.  This position is the next best thing to me being a stay-at-home mom for me.  That said, the salary is such a STEEP cut from what I make now, it's going to be a real creative challenge to make ends meet.    

I would be lying if I didn't admit that I'm really freaked out about taking the leap.  I've been fighting myself on the "responsible" versus "happy" choice I hope to be able to make.  How can I tell my sister to get a spine and fight for a life she wants if I cannot do the same?  I know it's cliche, but there really is NO dress rehearsal or do-overs in this life.  This is our one shot to make our life what we want and I'm going to try and make good on that.

I'll keep you posted...    


2 comments:

  1. You Cannot Always Wait For The Perfect Time, Sometimes You Must Dare To Jump. Life Is All About Risks And It Requires You To Jump. Don't Be A Person Who Has To Look Back And Wonder What They Would Have Or Could Have Had. No One Wait Forever.

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  2. Life is short...take the leap. I'm finding new joy in my career path...as I lounge my summer away :) As you know, I don't always appreciate my work, but my job definitely comes with some major perks.

    Do whatever it takes to make you happy! Don't look back 10 years from now with more regrets! I know- easier said than done...

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