Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Odds & Ends

It’s been too long since I’ve sat down to pen what’s going on in my world.  A good part of it is just the time to sit down and the other is, frankly, I get tired of thinking about all the different things going on and putting fingers to keys just extends that sometimes.  Last year I had aimed for 2012 to be a better year because 2011 was so hard on me. In some ways it has been and in other ways I found struggle I did not anticipate.
My husband’s business venture did not go the way we’d hoped.  It’s going to be tougher financially, but I have to believe something new – maybe even better awaits him.  We’ll be okay and frankly it’s nice to close this chapter in our lives.
One of my goals in 2012 was to take better care of myself.  In a recent meeting with my co-worker, I watched him have a heart attack and subsequently die.  I was devastated – more so than I had anticipated.  He was a good man, a husband, a father of 5 children and far too young to pass so soon.  There is not a day that goes by that I am not reminded of how my life could be gone in an instant.
Today I got on my scale and I have officially lost 30 pounds.  That’s at least a 3 year old, right?  I’m borderline obsessed about the last 25 pounds to go.  Focusing on this is a nice distraction from the sadness of losing someone I worked so closely with.  It makes me feel like I have control – which (SHOCKER) I like.  For the first time in 4 years I fit back into a size 8!  More than vanity, I want a long life with my family. 
This year has also brought with it a shift in how I feel about working.  Work has always been my toughest hurdle for a myriad of reasons.   For one, it is still a boy’s club and even though I’m aware of this, it is sometimes tough for me to chew on.  Can we please get through one meeting without talking about ESPN highlights??  It has never been about wanting to be a country club wife (though I’d like to give this a shot) or being lazy.  My struggle has revolved around the guilt of not being able to be a part of my babies’ lives the way I would like.  I want to hold them when their sick, see the smile on their face when I pick them up from school and to be a constant in their lives.  It all goes so fast, especially in those first few years from crawling baby to running little person.  I really do feel like I’ve missed a lot, but at the same time I know I’ve done the best I can with the time I’m working with.   Would I quit my job if I could?  ABSO-FREAKING-LUTELY, but it may never happen and this is getting easier to stomach as the kids get bigger.

My baby girl turned 4 last month and she hasn’t skipped a beat.    We still call her “Baby” but she is anything but.  She’s happy and spicy and constantly tries to convince us she’s at least 7, which I hear is a common attempt by many “youngest” kids.  She is so much more affectionate than her cohorts, loving her dad and me equally.  Her joy and love for everyone melts my heart on a daily basis and I’m so thankful for having her.
My Little Man is all of his 7 years and is pure “boy.”  He’s so different than my girls who are both hams and bask in positive attention.  He played his first basketball game this past weekend and he did GREAT.    He is a hard worker and likes to succeed, but shies away from the whoops and hollers of a crowd.  He scored his first basket and when the scorekeeper asked “Hey was that you?” He said “Uhhhh…” covered his face and ran down the court. It was sweet to see him have his turn at recognition. I’m so proud of the boy he’s growing into.  When he gives you a hug and tells you he loves you, you know he really means it.   

My Big Girl is taking charge of her 9th year on the planet.  She is an exceptional athlete and a good student and she works very hard for both of these.  She is my wild card because she is a mini version of me.  I can already see the fine line between extraordinary and unruly she tip-toes on just to tease the possibilities of what may await her.  She’s beginning to try and take charge of who she is and I know this is hard for the both of us because our goals are not always the same.  I have to remind myself that she’s only 9 when I hear some of the things that come out of her mouth – both good and bad. She is my “first” on every front of childrearing and I cross my fingers daily that I’m not screwing it all up. 
Well that is me in a nutshell today.  I might wig-out and give life the “bird” tomorrow, but I’ll embrace optimism for a change today.  If I don’t post anything new before the holiday, I hope everyone is safe and well.  Hug your family – and be good to yourself!

1 comment:

  1. Hello,

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    I look forward to hearing from you soon! Many thanks!